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Why you must marry before 30
Prof Greg Ibe, the Chancellor of Gregory University Uturu, gave me a topic to write, on Friday evening of 12 July 2019.
The PRO of Gregory University Elder Ogbonnaya Ogwo and I were in his sitting room at Uturu, when an ebullient young man(name withheld) barged in. The Chancellor said jokingly to the young man “please go and marry”. We all laughed humorously. Then he turned to me and said “Doc, why not write on the advisability of young people marrying early”.
Yes, we all concurred, young people if expedient should marry early. He married early. The Prof’s thoughts were genuinely that of fatherly concern. He reasoned that if we delay our marriages, especially the female folks, biological clock may be ticking forwards reproductive limitation.
For everybody male and female, at 40, a lot of social, biological, medical and psychological encumbrance set in. We now started throwing banters, “ a fool at 40 is a fool forever “. Then we became reflective.
Okay, let us do a little calculation on, why you must marry before 30 if expedient :
• Usually people retire officially (Civil Service and Public Service) at the age of 60.
• We know that some Judges, Justices and University Professors retire at 70.
• At retirement, read 60, people want to be free from all financial burdens.
• So people, want their children to complete their education, up to University level and get married before they retire.
• If that is the case, it is important to marry, before 30, and become parent by 32 – 33, so till the time you are still earning, your children would have completed their education, and found a nice life partner for themselves, and you are free from most of the responsibilities, before you retire.
• The same argument applies even for those in business. It is an anomaly for a 70 year old person to be doing a kindergarten school run for his direct children instead of grandchildren. Quite awkward.
What of the medical aspect?
• An adage says that “life begins at 40”, another one as if to counter that says, as I mentioned earlier “ a fool at 40 is a fool forever “.
• At 40, this is also often the time that the body starts to wear out, signalling the onset of lifetime diseases. So for those who married before 30, they would have finished their reproductive cycle before the onset of debilitation at 40.
• With hectic schedule, inconsistent health care patterns, and unhealthy habits, most people suffer from life threatening conditions, such as 1. Hypertension 2. Diabetes 3. Heart diseases 4. Hormone production 5. Aches & Pains. 6. Stress. 7. Osteoporosis 8. Metabolism.
• A man is lucky at 40, to be able to do certain things. A woman is lucky at 30 to be able to still do certain things.
• Some factors play a part in aging – as numerated above, let me just discuss 3 briefly viz Stress, Metabolism and Hormone production.
1) Stress
Psychological stress often has physical manifestation, and it has been noticed that stress of all sorts which produce – physical danger, pain, mental strain etc, can cause premature aging.
However, the biological process, whereby this happens is not known. Manifestation in women of psychological stress begins at 30, while that of men begins at 40. Hence we are encouraged to marry before 30.
Metabolism
As a person grows older, there is a drop in his Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR), that is, the energy production of his body at its lowest waking level. For example the body temperature of an old person is, on average one degree less than that of a 25 year old.
Metabolic decline is a sign of the aging process, rather than a cause, but it has wide impact on the body’s functions and abilities.
Hormone production.
During a female menopause, which starts at 35 to 45, the ovaries stop producing oestrogen, and male production of testosterone also declines after the middle years – though it never reaches zero level.
That is why a 90 year old could still father a child if he manages to get it up. Remember, in the Bible, Abraham was 100 years old, when he fathered Isaac.
It was therefore natural for Gerontologists to consider using injections of the appropriate hormones to make up the body’s failing supply.
To marry or not to marry before 30 if expedient is a sini qua non for obviating any biological catharsis. Always be medically guided.

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Inspirational Tips

Say Yes to Happiness and No to Depression

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Say Yes to Happiness and No to Depression Say Yes to Happiness and No to Depression images 22

Sadness is a normal emotion, and we all feel it at certain times of life. While there are many factors that lead sadness to depression, one of the most sinister is “reward erosion.” If you’ve been depressed, you almost certainly experienced the shoreline of your life shrinking, plunging your life into pits of depression like a house falling into the sea.

 

Reward Erosion, What’s That???

What are Rewards, Basically? We are hard-wired to seek rewards. Some folks are more motivated to avoid painful things, so the reward can come from reducing painful feelings. Other folks are more motivated to find joy or pleasure in life, so the rewards for them come from moving toward positive feelings.

Sadness Creeps In. When we become depressed, sadness begins to take control of how we think about finding joy or pleasure, and moves us to avoid emotional pain. Our thoughts become less based on reality, and more based on the inside world of our depression. Cognitive-BehavioralPsychologists call these thoughts “cognitive distortions.” The depression whispers to us “That won’t be fun. You’re depressed, and things aren’t fun anymore, and neither are you. People are better off if you just stay home and don’t bring them down.”

Depressive Thoughts Take Control. These ideas become very believable, and as the depression furthers control over us, we stop seeking out others, and limit (or end) activities that used to be fun. The cognitive distortions take control of what we do, and slowly over time, our rewards in life erode—we become controlled by avoiding our predicted disappointment or rejection. Reward erosion takes control, and as it does, life REALLY becomes depression. We experience life as empty and lacking in joy, because now life SEEMS empty and lacks any fun. Life becomes depressing in realty. Even if we have a moment of fun or fulfillment, we don’t pay attention to it—we focus on the pain and depressing ideas.

How to Rebuild a Rewarding Life

Step 1: Find Your Values. We learn from our earliest age to enjoy some things, and not others. These experiences create our historical learning, the stuff in our brain that makes us more likely to eat chocolate ice cream vs. vanilla.  Once we are moving into our pre-teen years, our values form in their basic form—we begin to live life to be happy with ourselves and experience joy. If you’re depressed, the first step usually consists of finding those values again.  Ask yourself “If I could write my obituary, the day before I die, and I wanted to say my life’s goals were fulfilled, what would I say I did in my life?” Your values will show up as you find out what you want others to read about your life.

Step 2: Defining Joy.  Now that you better understand your values, review how you found joy and value in life. What did you do in your life before the depression took hold that made you happy and fulfilled? Make a list of your rewards and a brief plan to do a few. Get ready to rebuild the shoreline of your life.

Step 3: Become a Pleasure Scientist.  This step is more like a country-two-step. First, make a commitment to see how it feels to do some of the things on your list. This commitment will test your resolve, but most folks are able to do a few, or just one, at first. Commit to the experiment. Second, conduct the experiment. You’ll be an experimenter, so don’t try to convince yourself of what the outcome will be of your efforts. Instead, commit to finding out. Keep a log and track what you did, and how much joy it brought.  You have to step out of your mind and begin discovering joy and meaning again.

Step 4: Accept ALL Your Feelings (Even the Bad Ones). You probably feel depressed, and then you suffer from feeling depressed. The key to keeping your life back on track includes changing your lifestyle of avoidance—you want life to be filled with moving toward meaningful pleasure, not moving away from life’s unpleasantries. So this step is learning to sit with your unhappiness when it occurs AND seeing it for what it is: a momentary feeling (not an unending fog). There are a couple of strategies that can help accept your feelings. One, you can think of feelings (all of them) as a river—and you don’t want to be in the water drowning from suffering—you do want to describe unhappiness by sitting on the bank as an observer. Learn to observe your sadness and describe it.  Two, bring your unhappiness along with you when you act on your values—let joy and fulfillment replace unhappiness. Most of the time, unhappiness can’t easily co-exist with happiness. But, even if both feelings are present when you act on your values, the unhappiness will most likely slip away from your attention. You’ll be busy flexibly shifting your focus to joy and fulfillment.

Step 5: Keep Working on the Shoreline. Life really is like a shoreline, with the water (experiences) providing both joy and sadness.  A wise person once said that pleasure can’t be appreciated without times of pain as well. You’ll need to practice and work the steps all the time, the same way you keep a shoreline rebuilt as the waves threaten to erode your foundation. Depression and reward erosion are quiet and a covert threat, so keeping them in check requires a life-long commitment to a life worth living.

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Inspirational Tips

10 THINGS YOU CAN START DOING TO SUCCEED WITH ZERO TALENTS IN NIGERIA

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10 THINGS YOU CAN START DOING TO SUCCEED WITH ZERO TALENTS IN NIGERIA 10 THINGS YOU CAN START DOING TO SUCCEED WITH ZERO TALENTS IN NIGERIA Jobs 1

Sometimes you see someone great and we say they’re talented and that’s how they got there. We put ourselves in victim mode when there’s so much we can do to produce results and become successful. However, here are 10 things you can do even if you have no talent at all:

1. Being on Time
Time is the most valuable commodity so it’s disrespectful to yourself and others if you waste it. Being on time is something that is very much in your control. People who are always late underestimate how much time it takes to get ready and go somewhere. It’s a habit which is formed from a lack of discipline.

2. Work Ethic
This is a prerequisite to becoming successful. You reap what you sow in life. Think about people like Dwayne Johnson, Kevin Hart, Will Smith, Conor McGregor. They all have one thing in common, an insane work ethic. No matter how talented you are, if you don’t have this then you’ll never realise your full potential.

3. Effort
Putting maximum effort into everything you do works in conjunction with your work ethic. If you’re doing this and on the highest leverage tasks, then you will get an insane amount more done than everybody else.

4. Body Language
A lot of the times communication is non-verbal and the way you carry yourself is more important than what you say. Strong body language can literally change your physiology and state which people feel. Two minutes of a simple power pose can increase your testosterone levels by 20 percent. Isn’t that remarkable? Make good eye contact, stand up straight, don’t fidget. Those are signals of a confident person that is comfortable with themselves. Study the greats and see how they communicate non-verbally.“Talent you have naturally. Skill is only developed by hours and hours and hours of beating on your craft.” – Will Smith

5. Energy
Energy management is even more important than time management. You will be more successful if you can sustain high energy levels for a long period of time. To manage your energy in the best way possible, think about the thoughts you are having, how you are moving your body and what your nutrition is like.

6. Attitude
Choose a positive attitude as often as you can. No one wants to be around someone who is negative and negativity doesn’t lead to success. No external event can effect you unless you allow it. Always find the silver lining.

7. Passion
Align yourself with what you love. Passion is one of the things that makes life worth living. When you are passionate about something, it constantly excites you. To truly be great at something, you’re going to have to love it. It’s a tough process to mastery and is near impossible if no passion is there.

8. Being Coachable
Being coachable is one of the keys to success. If you’re someone who is always arguing with the guy that is where you want to be, you need to stop. You’re wasting your energy. They’re there for a reason. They have produced results and if you want to produce the same results you need to listen. First emulate and then build your own style. Learn from those who came before you.“If I have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants” – Isaac Newton

9. Doing Extra
If you over deliver people will always remember you. You reap what you sow and that’s what remarkable people do. You always have more left in the tank than you think.

10. Being Prepared
Preparation breeds confidence, which is essential. Whether it’s playing a sport, making a presentation or going on a trip, you need to be well prepared for the task at hand. A lot of the times we see success and we don’t see that most of it is due to preparation. The relentless planning, practice and review. As Benjamin Franklin said, “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail”. This makes you proactive (planning things before they happen) vs reactive (planning things after they happen) which is a way stronger position.

We can do anything in our lifetimes. Absolutely anything we want to . It’s up to us though to cultivate the traits needed to achieve what we want. It’s not about degrees or financial status, it’s about your habits. Make no excuses as all of these are in your control so go now and grab life with both hands and actually make it happen!

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