- Which qualities in men attracts women the most?
*Please remember these are the personal opinions of one woman. Challenging them will not change them. If you don’t agree, just don’t upvote. If you want to disagree politely and have a polite and civilized discussion, I welcome comments.
“The most” is a tricky phrase to use, because it might imply that one great trait is better, more attractive than the other. That this one trait can be mutually exclusive from others. That’s not the case. Instead of a quality, I’ll list a few qualities. Because men I’m attracted to have most of these.
If they had them all, I’d probably be married. If I dated this person and it didn’t work out, it is probably because I thought they had all or most of these, but it turned out they didn’t. (Don’t read the post thinking I think I’m perfect. I do not think I’m perfect. No one is. But I do possess most of the qualities I want from the other person. The ones I might not possess, I’m working on every day.)
- A lovely smile. The smile is friendly and confident. It is wide, real, and the person isn’t stingy with this smile. The eyes join in the smile. It’s not a smirk or a grin.
- Manners. I don’t mean opening the door for me or taking charge or any of that crap. Although I don’t mind someone opening the door for me (or opening the door for someone), it is not necessary. What’s necessary is someone who knows how to behave: someone who is not picking loud fights in public places, someone who is kind/nice to everyone regardless of their social situation, someone who is only rude when the other person started it, someone who can keep things calm in a stressful situation – not the person starting fights for fight’s sake.
- Passionate. I am.
- Not possessive. I’m not.
- Not jealous. Jealousy is a big turn-off. (I’m not jealous. OK, I would love Bret Michaels’s house, but that’s not relatinship related.)
- A certain calmness. No one is calm all the time. It’s not possible. But I love it when a guy makes me feel calm. I feel like someone eradicted all the nervousness, worry and stress in the world. (All of my crushes made me feel like this.)
- Empathy and equality. Don’t make make wait; I won’t make you wait. (I’m not talking being stuck in traffic or taking 10 more minutes to get ready. I mean being late for than 30 minutes, making the other person wait without giving a valid excuse….etc.
- Respectfulness and loyalty. I am respectful and loyal. No cheaters and no pathological liars. (No one is honest 100% all the time. We are not dating Gregory House from House or Cal Lightman from Lie to Me. It’s okay to tell me I don’t look fat or pale or tired. It’s not okay to lie about how we spent our days and/or with whom.)
- Self-care. I’m not talking about being fit here. Yes, fitness is an attractive trait, but I’m talking about knowing weaknesses (when it comes to health) and taking caring of himself accordingly. Has diabetes and needs shots? Has to carry the shots with him. Allergic to peanuts? Won’t eat peanuts for adventure. Has depression? Takes prescribed meds regularly. It’s 2017, and world has gone to hell. Practically no one us is physically or mentally 100%. What I don’t tolerate is letting oneself go- again, I’m talking about health here.
- Will to self-improve. If someone arrogantly (and ignorantly) disses all non-fiction, we are not a good match. If someone doesn’t read, we are not a good match.
- Hobbies other than his job/family/friends.Life can get pretty dull pretty fast. Someone who is passionate about things is generally more fun to talk to. I just hope that hobby isn’t all about just one sport. (Being a sports fan is fine, as long as it is not his whole identity.)
- Charisma and/or charm. How charismatic and/or charming I am is debatable. But I’m thinking he finds me charming and/or charismatic. Otherwise, why did he ask me out? Or why did he say yes when I asked him out? (Yes, I ask guys out. Equality, remember?)
- Sense of humor. We need to be able to make each other laugh.
- Things in common. We will have separate friends and hobbies and that is normal. But we also need mutual interests to make the relationship stronger, healthier and more fun. Yes, it is about attraction. I have found men more or less attractive based on what they loved and/or hated. Example: A guy who loves Justin Bieber is NOT attractive. I’m sorry, but he is not. I hate Justin Bieber. (I’m a rock head.)
- A normal attitude toward communication. I don’t want to date a guy who calls me 10 times a day or someone who calls me only once in 10 days. I return the favor.
- Personal space and trust. I don’t do shared accounts and passwords. I won’t ask his, I won’t give him mine. If we run a business together, we will then share the relevant business info.
- Friendships with both genders. I have friends from both genders. It’s how I grew up. It comes down to trust and healthy relationships. I expect him to have close friends from both genders.
- Not homophobic. One of my closest friends is gay.
- Accepts psychology and psychiatry as real science.
- Style. I don’t follow or care for fashion. (I love clothes, but trends? No clue. No interest.) He should have his own style. I’m not attracted to hipsters: mainly manbuns. They freak me out. I like long hair, though.)
- Height. Sorry, this is a bit superficial. But I’ve always found taller guys more attractive. I’m 5′8″ (about 1.75cms.) Yes, there are exceptions.
- A cool voice. Optional, but it does increase attractiveness. Examples: Kiefer Sutherland, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Spacey, Sean Bean, Peter Herrmann… (There are tons.)
- Doesn’t want kids. This is for the long run. I don’t want kids. He can have kids from previous relationships though. If I change my mind, this will change.
- Not obsessed with exes. We owe each other a fresh start.
- Numbers don’t matter. I don’t care how many people he has dated. He should return the favor.
- Confident, but not arrogant. Aka likes himself but doesn’t think he is god’s gift to the world.
- Modest, and kind but not a pushover.
- Doesn’t openly check out other women when we are together. Checks them out discreetly when alone. Bonus point if he is not too interested in checking others out, even just platonically. (Yeah, yeah, not realistic. But it does increase the attraction.)
- Realizes we both have other options.
- Optional but would make my day:
- Likes/loves rock music.
- Loves to travel.
- Loves movies.
- Likes comfort and/or luxury. I’m not much into camping and backpacking. I do budget traveling and hostels, though.
- Likes pets, especially cats and dogs.
- Dresses up plainly. I love suits, jeans, plain shirts and T-shirts. I’m not very turned on by men in pink or orange.
Some fictional examples for visualization purposes: (We don’t expect the guy to be like our fictional crushes. Similarities are appreciated. But if I told you who I liked, you wouldn’t know the guy. So fiction makes better examples for people you don’t know. Also, it is more entertaining.)
- Mark Darcy from Bridget Jones. He is a bit too grounded, but that can be forgiven on the grounds of him being lovely all around in general. Also, I’m not as crazy as Bridget Jones, so we could work. (Referring to what happened between the second and third movie.)
- Hawkeye from The Last of the Mohicans. He is brave, loyal, passionate, predictable (in a good way), and has integrity. You can’t beat that no matter the century.
- Robin Hood. (The Kevin Costner one, preferably.)
- Russell Crowe’s character from A Good Year
- Gerard Butler’s character from The Ugly Truth – the more decent version revealed before the dancing scene. Not the exaggerated chauvinistic persona he donned. (Yes, she was a bit much and flawed, but we are talking about men right now.)
- Hugh Jackman’s many characters. Logan, Leopold,
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